I always asked the questions: Am I good enough? Loved enough? What’s my purpose? All throughout high school, I looked for approval from my parents by succeeding in school and in dance. I thought, “If I can just get straight A’s, I’ll make it, they will love me, they will think I’m good enough. If I just get this group of friends to stick by me, I will have the support system I need. I will feel comfortable and I will fit in.”
My life revolved around the approval of others. I was only happy if I was succeeding in their eyes and I was only happy if I met my goals that I scribbled down on a checklist for the week. This people pleasing attitude lead me to fall into the spiral of anxiety and depression. There was always someone better, I felt like I could never be enough.
I could never live up to my own expectations.
When I got to college I realized that everything I had was gone. The comfort and security I found in my family was gone and my friends were miles away. I was alone, really alone. I decided to rush a sorority because, why not? Instant friends. Little did I know that God would use this experience to show himself to me. During recruitment, I met a girl who told me about having a relationship with Jesus and how different it was from the typical view of religion. Yeah, I had gone to church I was a Christian, I said. But I thought to myself… was I really? Did I have a relationship with Jesus?
I came to know that God thinks I am enough, not because of what I do but because of the death of Jesus on the cross. He loves me. My life is not about proving myself to Him or striving for perfection, Jesus already did that. Jesus lived the perfect life for me. God sent himself in human form to live as we do and die for us so that we may be free.
I decided that my approval and acceptance would come from God alone, that I would place my identity in the perfect love that God has for me. I accepted Him into my life and He became a sponge that would soak up my anxiety, fear, and sadness. He became a rock to hold onto in the ocean of life. He told me I was loved and never alone.
Things began to change and I developed a stronger relationship with my parents, a kinder way to treat my friends and a perspective less focused only on myself. In fact, a friend from high school that I bumped into freshman year of college had asked me what had gotten into me. He said I was a completely different person and there was no other explanation I could give him than the acceptance of Jesus and Him working in my life. I found the answers to my questions. Yes, I am enough because of what Jesus did 2,000 years ago. Yes, I am loved more than enough because Jesus decided I was worth His own death on the cross, so that I could experience eternity with Him.
The point of life is love. Love God and love people.
— Cami Hall (@joybyjesus) August 9, 2017
Love God, love His people, and make disciples. That is my purpose.